Love Despite
by Tresa Cho
Summary: Hakkai and Sanzo are captured during a fight. Never thought it was possible?
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer- I do not own Saiyuki. They would be unsafe in my hands… ;)

Love Despite…

Being a mere human in a group composed of youkai, Sanzo had always been assumed the weakest. And it was correct, he was the weakest- until he drew his gun or the enemy pissed him off royally. Yet while he was dangerous with a revolver in his hand, he was defenseless without it. And that pissed him off more than any enemy taunting. He was constantly being protected by Hakkai, or Goku, or Hakkai…. Mostly Hakkai. It was constant. Nearly every battle, soon after the start he found himself under Hakkai's shield, just saved from an arrow in the back or a cleave to the head. He wasn't asking the youkai to protect him. The brunette volunteered, cheerfully smiling as he told Sanzo to be more careful.

It pissed him off.

He was Genjo Sanzo. He shouldn't need any protection. His gun was deadly, yet there were the few precious moments of exposure while he reloaded that Hakkai always seemed to catch. And then there he was, hands up with a shield over them both, grinning that annoying smirk.

"My, my, Sanzo. You  need to be more careful."

It was almost as if he enjoyed it.

The monk slumped down in the passenger seat of the jeep, glaring at the driver out of the corner of his eye. He probably did enjoy putting the high and mighty Sanzo in his place, reminding him that he was only human. Then again, nobody could read Hakkai. Who knew what the youkai was thinking?

The vehicle jerked along, running over the bumpy forest trail with little difficulty. They had ridden worse, and Hakuryu was in a cheerful mood. Gojyo and Goku were arguing as usual in the back, and Hakkai smiled brightly while keeping his eye on the road and the rearview mirror. Sanzo suppressed a sigh. Making sure the two idiots weren't killing each other, most likely. Hakkai worried like that. It was his nature. He never thought about himself, instead he always had a mind for someone else.

That pissed him off too.

If Hakkai was a little more selfish, like the water sprite, or maybe loud like the monkey, he wouldn't have seemed so annoying to Sanzo. Recently, however, his presence had become nearly maddening. Sanzo couldn't finger why, after all the journey, Hakkai had now become unnerving. The fact was that he had. And it pissed Sanzo off.

A crackling noise to his left caught his attention, pulling his reluctantly from his thoughts. Sanzo straightened in the seat, and looked at the passing trees.

"Is something wrong Sanzo?" Hakkai's voice broke the front seat's silence.

"Something's out there," the blonde drew his weapon and loaded it, keeping an eye on the bushes flying past. It would be the fifth battle since they had entered the forest two days ago. The youkai in this land did not give in easily. And they were not like the weak minions Kou Gaiji had been sending recently. They were strong. Strong enough to wound three of them in one battle. All except Sanzo, who had been under Hakkai's protection. Bastard.

Sanzo cocked the small gun, keeping it trained on the woods to his left. Goku and Gojyo had fallen silent, each with a weapon in hand. They knew these forest youkai were not to be taken lightly, and they were ready to fight. Gojyo was still smarting from a knock to the gut the last battle, and Goku was still bleeding from various minor cuts.

Hakuryu cheeped sharply, making the jeep shudder. Sanzo gripped the dashboard and grunted, as several figures leaped from the trees. They landed in front of the jeep, and one dropped from above into the backseat. Goku yelped once and smacked out with his weapon.

Hakkai spun the jeep, throwing the enemy out of the back, and nearly tossing Sanzo with him. The blonde yelled in annoyance and grabbed Hakkai's seat. "Sorry, Sanzo," Hakkai murmured, keeping his eyes on the youkai in front of him. The monk scoffed, sitting up straight. None of them moved from the jeep, waiting silently for the enemy to make the first move.

"Genjo Sanzo," the leader stood in front of his group, "Hand over your sutra and we'll consider sparing your lives."

In response, Sanzo shot down one of the youkai beside the leader. The enraged youkai motioned his arm at them, and the small group of forest-dwellers surged forward.

"Hakuryu, transform!" Hakkai ordered, and in a puff of smoke the dragon flitted upwards. Hakkai formed a ball of chi in his hand, ready to attack now that his pet was out of harm's way.

They rushed in hard, swinging axes, swords, and lead bars. Goku and Gojyo stood back to back to make the battle somewhat easier on both of them. Hakkai knew he wouldn't have to watch them. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Sanzo. One shot. Two shots. Three. Four.

At the fifth, Hakkai leapt over his attackers, and placed himself between Sanzo and the enemy. He fluidly knocked two down with his chi, and set up a decent shield with what was left of his energy. The blonde growled his discontent, but Hakkai took no notice. Once Sanzo had reloaded, he lowered the shield and moved behind the monk, feeling slightly woozy.

The brunette shook his head hard, figuring now that he hadn't recovered fully from yesterday's battle. It wouldn't do to pass out in the middle of battle. After the battle he could sleep all he wanted. Now was the time to fight.

A wave of sickness swept over him, forcing him to his knees despite his resolution. "Hakkai!" Sanzo yelled, moving a few steps back to stand over the down youkai. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Sanzo," Hakkai pushed himself into a kneeling position, "I'm just a bit tired…"

Sanzo cursed, and fired at an approaching enemy. Hakkai had been wounded yesterday also. He had nearly forgotten, the other hid it so well.

Sanzo's eye caught a blur of motion behind him, and he cursed again. He spun, but he wasn't fast enough. A lead bar connected solidly with the back of Hakkai's head, letting loose a nauseating crack. The brunette was knocked on his chest from the force of the blow, unconscious.

Enraged, Sanzo shot the enemy three times, making sure he couldn't move at all. Then, he knelt at Hakkai's side. The brunette bled from his head wound, and his face was twisted painfully.

Another youkai leapt at Sanzo, wielding a sword. Sanzo lifted his pistol and fired, taking out that nuisance. As he lowered his gun to return to Hakkai, he felt something crash into the back of his head. Spots flew to his eyes, before his vision faded to black as he slumped down over Hakkai.


	2. Chapter Two

When he came to, he was barely aware of cool fingers brushing across his forehead, tugging gently at his hair. They felt soothing against his hot skin, and he did not have the energy to protest their touch. His head was pounding enough to make him queasy, he couldn't have spoken if he had wanted to. Slowly, reluctantly, he opened his eyes.

"Are you awake, Sir Monk?"

Hakkai's lilt voice entered his ears. How dare the bastard mock him. He must have a death wish. He was most likely grinning. When Sanzo could finally focus his vision, he saw that Hakkai was indeed smiling easily. "What the hell are you so happy about…?" Sanzo managed, scowling.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Hakkai promptly answered, continuing to smile.

Sanzo frowned, trying to place where he was. Why was Hakkai so tall all of a sudden? He was leaning over the monk as if he had just gained at least two feet. It was then that Sanzo realized his sore head was resting on something soft. He was using Hakkai's lap as a pillow, as the other sat propped up against what looked like a wall.

Sanzo jerked upright, and then regretted moving. The pounding in his head threw spots in front of his eyes, and he felt faint again. Hakkai's hands steadied him as he eased back down, resignedly laying his head on Hakkai's legs. "Bastard."

"I know," Hakkai bit back a sigh. He knew Sanzo hated anyone seeing him weak, but this situation couldn't be helped. They had been captured during the  battle, and brought to the forest-dweller's prison. Hakkai was drained, or he would have at least helped Sanzo with his headache. He could feel the warm trickle of blood leaking down his own neck, and he knew he had a bad head wound, but Sanzo hurt also. For now, he would concern himself with Sanzo's injury.

"Where are we?"

"The enemy's prison. We were captured."

"What of the two idiots?"

Hakkai chuckled, "I believe they escaped. I haven't seen or heard anything of them since we were here."

"How long has it been?"

"About a day after the battle."

A day. Sanzo had slept for a full day. He groaned in annoyance, and shifted impatiently. Hakkai's brows drew together in worry, "Are you in pain?"

"No," he answered. Hell if he was going to make Hakkai worry over him. The brunette already had enough on his mind with Goku, Gojyo, and the jeep. He then noticed a suspicious tint of red at Hakkai's shoulder. "Hakkai, are you bleeding?" he asked, frowning.

"Not that badly, Sanzo," Hakkai smiled.

"Why don't you heal yourself?"

"I'm too tired right now. I'll take care of you once my strength is back," Hakkai rested a hand on Sanzo's head, much to the monk's chagrin.

"I didn't ask you to take care of me," the blonde tried to move away, but Hakkai's palm was stubborn at the silky hair.

"I know you didn't."

"So why the hell are you treating me like I'll break?" Sanzo saw a disturbing change in Hakkai's face, and suddenly realized that maybe he didn't want to know the answer.


	3. Chapter Three

His intuition was granted when a group of four youkai entered the room, casting a brilliant light on the two. Sanzo's headache increased from the sudden light, and he held up a hand against the shine.

A rough hand gripped that wrist, and yanked the monk into a sitting position. The room spun dangerously, but Sanzo bit his lip hard and held on to consciousness.

"Easy!" Hakkai yelled anxiously, "He has a head injury!"

This outburst earned him a backhand across the face, knocking him over gasping. "Don't think we didn't know that already?" the issuer growled. Hakkai glared at the youkai, wiping the cut that had opened on his lips. His head was whirling madly, and his vision wouldn't right itself, but he couldn't pass out. Not this time. He had to watch Sanzo, to make sure the monk didn't do anything that would get himself killed. Such as anger his captors. It was just something Sanzo would do. Hakkai forced himself into a sitting position to watch.

One of the enemy grasped a handful of Sanzo's blonde hair and yanked it backward. Sanzo grimaced painfully, his head tipped back in a compromising position. "Where is the sutra?" the youkai asked.

To this, Sanzo had no answer. He hadn't even known it was missing.

The youkai jerked his hair, eliciting a moan of pain from the blonde, who then immediately flushed in embarrassment and anger. He could barely hear Hakkai yelling to at them stop. All he knew was the intense stinging of his head. It hurt.

When it became apparent that the blonde didn't know the answer, the youkai questioning him threw him down onto his back. Sanzo didn't move, aware only of the increasing darkness in his mind. He longed to escape there, but something held him back. He didn't understand it. A minute ago he had been fighting it, and now he wanted it. Yet he couldn't reach it. Why?

A shadow fell over his face, and he heard a choked gasp. Opening his eyes, he saw Hakkai kneeling over him, his face set in determination, despite his closed eyes. The gasp had come from him. Sanzo glanced down, and saw, at Hakkai's stomach, a glint of metal cutting through the intense red of Hakkai's blood.

The brunette jerked suddenly, as the sword was removed from his body. He bit back a yell of pain, fighting to keep his position over Sanzo. His arms shook with effort, as he looked down at the blonde and noticed that he was awake. "My, my… Sanzo…" he managed, "You need to be more careful…" Small droplets of blood dripped onto Sanzo's clothing.

A/N- Yes, this is about to get yaoi-ish. If you are squeamish about guy/guy relationships, I suggest you NOT continue.


	4. Chapter Four

"Hakkai, you bastard!" Sanzo growled in a low voice, trying not to let anxiety creep into his throat, "What the hell did you do?"

Above them, the youkai were exiting, talking amongst themselves, "They'll die eventually, with their wounds going untreated. Just let them waste away." And then they were gone. Just like that.

As soon as their enemies had gone, Hakkai collapsed onto Sanzo. The blonde grunted at the weight, but clutched Hakkai tightly to him, whispering fiercely, "What the hell did you do?"

"They were going to…kill you…" Hakkai mumbled.

"What do you care?"

"I… care…" Hakkai breathed. He was so tired. He could have just fallen asleep right there, yet Sanzo might have a problem with that. Hopefully the monk wouldn't mind his robes soiled with youkai blood. Hakkai would have to remember to clean them when they got out of here. They had passed a spring on the way in. It shouldn't be far from here…

If he had been just a bit more conscious, Hakkai would have felt Sanzo tense under him. Luckily for Sanzo, the brunette was nearly delirious in pain and blood loss. "Hakkai, sit up. You need something to stop bleeding," he grunted, pushing at the brunette. Hakkai did his best to move, holding his side and gasping. Sanzo slid up against the wall in a sitting position, helping Hakkai up. "Your shirt," Sanzo urged. Hakkai shook his head.

"I can't…" his eyelids drooped precariously. Sanzo shrugged out of his outer robes, by now soaked in blood, and stripped off the black stretch underneath. He rested it across their laps and moved his hands to the buttons on Hakkai's shirt. The youkai leaned forward, resting his forehead on Sanzo's shoulder.

"Don't close your eyes," Sanzo whispered, sliding the shoulders down on Hakkai's shirt, "Stay awake."

"It's so cold…" Hakkai answered, his voice just as low as the monk's. Sanzo knew, he could feel Hakkai shiver against him, no matter how limp he was.

"It's because you lost so much blood," Sanzo reasoned, taking his stretch and wrapping it around Hakkai's waist. He pulled it taut, drawing a gasp from the other, to which he quickly murmured, "Sorry." It had to be tight, otherwise Hakkai would just keep bleeding.

When he had finished, Hakkai sat upright, making to climb off Sanzo's legs. The monk protested, "What are you doing?"

"Sorry, Sanzo," Hakkai fell against the wall beside his companion, panting from the effort.

"Sorry for what?"

"For touching you."

Sanzo realized how cold his lap now was. In the five minutes they had sat together, it had felt so natural. Now that Hakkai had put distance between the two, Sanzo was feeling uncomfortable, irritable even. Hakkai thought Sanzo didn't like to be touched. Normally, he didn't. This time, however, hearing the words from that wounded brunette, the apology hit harder for some reason.

"Hakkai, are you still cold?"

"Not as badly as before, Sanzo."

The blonde moved slowly, cautiously. He lifted himself over one of Hakkai's legs and sat down on the other side. Then he drew his arms warily over Hakkai's neck, bringing the other close.


	5. Chapter Five

Hakkai froze for a moment, shocked at Sanzo's action. Understandably, it was warmer to be close to another body, but Sanzo? The stoic monk who refused to show emotion, much less make bodily contact with another being?

"Sanzo, I think you may have been hit too hard on the head," Hakkai grinned, not having moved.

"Shut up," the blonde  growled, pulling at the brunette's neck. Hakkai brought his arms around Sanzo's back, as if drawing warmth from him. He was no longer cold. He was shaking now from something else. Something less tangible. He knew Sanzo could feel it too, as their hearts beat in tune with each other.

"I'm not cold anymore, Sanzo," Hakkai closed his eyes, and pressed his lips to the blonde's bare neck.

The monk shivered, pulling away, "Hakkai…" The youkai waited patiently. "I think you may have been hit too hard on the head."

Hakkai grinned, and drew a hand down Sanzo's fair cheek, "Perhaps. Perhaps we both have been, and we're now delirious."

"So be it," Sanzo took the hand and moved it to his lips. He gently kissed each fingertip, before moving to the wrist, the arm, the elbow, the shoulder. As his tongue felt its way up Hakkai's neck, the brunette shifted, pressing the monk hard against him. Sanzo then realized that Hakkai was not looking for sex. He was looking for love. He needed the feeling of someone held close to him, whether that someone be kissing him or fully clothed. Love…"How long have you…"

"A while now, since I awoke one night and saw you crying in your sleep," Hakkai whispered into Sanzo's shoulder. The blonde stiffened, but could not pull away because of Hakkai's embrace. "I knew then, that I would do anything to protect you, to make you stop hurting. Anything."

So, the reason finally came out. The reason for all the shields, the worrying, the sword. This was why. Hakkai had fallen in love with Sanzo.

"How?" much as he tried, Sanzo couldn't keep the pain from his voice. It wasn't physical pain, but the pain of disappointment that Hakkai was stupid enough to love someone like him.

In response, Hakkai merely crushed his body closer, painfully. Sanzo didn't mind the pain. He needed it, to keep him believing. Believing that Hakkai was honest, that he truly loved the monk. Love despite the emotional scars from his past, despite his roughness and coarseness, despite his mask.

Nothing had ever felt so good as Hakkai's chilled arms around his back.

"I'm sorry, Sanzo," Hakkai breathed against Sanzo's skin, "I couldn't help it."

"Idiot. You goddam idiot," Sanzo's voice was also low, as he moved his head deep into Hakkai's  neck.

"I know."

Neither of them wished to move. That is, until Sanzo could not curb himself anymore and he looked up to take Hakkai's lips. Distance was feared, neither wanted the other to disappear. They held each other, so it seemed like every part of their bodies were touching. And neither was cold that night.


	6. Chapter Six

The next morning, Sanzo awoke to find something pressing hard on top of him. It took him only a moment to realize Hakkai was still sleeping, his breathing calm and even. The brunette had taken his protective position just  before they fell asleep, using his body as a shield for Sanzo. It was still slightly annoying, but Sanzo now at least knew why, and that eased him.

His head felt remarkably better, and his fingers itched for his gun. Just wait until he got his weapon back. No one could hold Sanzo for long without getting hurt. They still had their journey west to complete. He couldn't waste time here any longer.

Still, eyeing Hakkai's sleeping face, he paused. The monk carefully drifted a hand through the brunette's dark locks, and determined that he did not want to move yet. He was too comfortable, sandwiched between Hakkai and the dirt floor.

The youkai shifted unconsciously, allowing a small sigh to escape his lips. Sanzo was torn between wishing Hakkai was awake to kiss those lips, and wishing they could stay situated like this forever. Either would have seemed like heaven.

Hakkai groaned again, and his eyes fluttered open slowly. It took him a few seconds to orient himself, and when he placed where he was, he smiled gently and lifted his head. "Good morning, Sanzo," he grinned, as if nothing had happened last night.

"Bastard," Sanzo immediately growled, "Don't smile at me." He reached up and pushed Hakkai's head closer, taking his mouth forcefully.

"Don't you think…" Hakkai murmured between Sanzo's lips, "We should… try and escape?"

"Later," Sanzo answered, running his hands through Hakkai's hair.

"They could kill us."

"It doesn't matter anymore."

At this, Hakkai pulled back and propped himself up on his elbows, "You don't believe that."

"What do you care?" the blonde challenged, glaring up with flashing violet eyes.

"I care," Hakkai placed a kiss on Sanzo's furrowed brow, "that you are not in pain." He smiled at the pout on the monk's face, "Shall we go?" He sat up and reached a hand down to help Sanzo up.

They moved to the door of the prison, and Hakkai looked around through a crack in the woodwork. He motioned Sanzo behind him, and cautiously opened the door enough to slide through. They moved quickly and silently, staying in shadow as they went. They nearly made it to the village edge, when two youkai stepped from behind them.

"Can't have you escaping," one of them mocked, "That would defeat the purpose of capturing you."

Hakkai stepped in front of Sanzo, readying a ball of chi in his hand. There were only two of the enemy. Hopefully they could be handled. Before he could do anything, however, the two youkai fell of their own accord. Hakkai blinked, and looked beyond the enemies. Goku and Gojyo stood waiting, weapons in hand.

"Took you long enough," the redhead barked, strolling forward. He stuck his lance into the ground and eyed the couple, "We searched all over for you."

"Sorry, Gojyo, to make you worry," Hakkai smiled apologetically, "Are you both okay?"

Goku flexed his arm, "Fine!" Then, his face quickly fell, "I'm hungry though! Food! Food!"

"Idiot monkey! Those two are lost for two days and all you think about is food!?" Gojyo yelled, smacking Goku upside the head. He reached into his pocket and drew out Sanzo's tiny pistol, tossing it to the surly monk, "I believe you dropped that."

Sanzo grunted and slid it into his pocket.

Goku bounced up to Hakkai, poking and prodding at his make-shift bandage, "Hakkai! What happened? Why are you wearing Sanzo's shirt like that? And what happened to your shirt?"

Hakkai placed a restraining hand on Goku's head, "I'm fine. We much continue on our journey. Where's Hakuryu?"

With a loud cheep, the dragon dropped from the sky into his master's arms. In his tiny mouth hung a rolled scroll of paper. The dragon tossed the roll to Sanzo, who uncurled it to reveal his sutra. "Such a smart jeep," Hakkai cooed at the white animal, petting its head gently, "Protecting Sanzo's decoration." He turned to the monk, "You should thank Hakuryu."

"I'll not thank a jeep," Sanzo grunted. The dragon sighed and drooped its head. Hakkai shook his head and smiled.

"Hakuryu, please transform," the youkai murmured. With a puff of smoke, the dragon became a jeep, and Hakkai stepped into the driver seat. He turned to look at the others, "Shall we go, Sanzo?"

The blonde climbed into the passenger seat, ignoring the feel of cold leather against his bare back. As the two clowns piled into the back, he couldn't help but wonder what had changed. If Hakkai was going to say anything about what had happened last night, or if he was just going to pretend it hadn't happened. A part of Sanzo was glad that nothing had been mentioned, but a small sliver wished Hakkai wouldn't forget.

A tiny tap on his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts. He turned to the source, and found his face up against Hakkai's. The brunette met his lips chastely, and pulled back quickly, grinning. He faced the road and threw the car into gear as Sanzo flushed a bright red. Gojyo laughed maniacally behind him, and Goku wondered what had just happened.

A/N- That was the end. I know it was kind of rushed, sorry. I'm absolutely horrible at conclusions. Thanks for reading, and please review! Thanks and good-bye!


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